Obsessions

Squirt foundation on the back of your hand. Dip beauty blender into the cream colored puddle and blot onto your face. Next, spread concealer under your eyes in a triangular shape. Dab to smooth it out. It's too early to be awake right now. Open your Anastasia Beverly Hills Contour Kit and brush the warm brown on the bottom right onto your cheek bone, forehead, and jawline. Blend it in. This is so boujee, I love it. Fill in your eyebrows with a cold-toned brown eye shadow. Pluck if needed. Apply a shimmery base coat to your eyelid. Blend a darker shadow just below your brow bone and under your waterline. Now, apply a white eyeliner pencil to your bottom water line to brighten your eyes and make them appear bigger. Oh, yay. Here's where I tear up. Apply a black eyeliner pencil to the top water line. When finished, take an eyeliner pen and draw a wing extended off your lid. Yes, that came out sharp... okay, is this one uneven though? Now I have to ruin the other to fix it. I literally have two seconds before the bus gets here. Curl your lashes - but only if you applied coconut oil last night. They're getting brittle. I always regret not doing that. Tilt your head back and brush mascara onto your lashes - now you'll at least get a little volume. I forgot blush. Swipe a pink blush onto your cheeks. Nice, now I have some color. Add a shimmery soft lipstick for a beautiful final touch. I have to say, the lipstick really makes everything better.

While some have the ability to be comfortable rolling out of bed five minutes before hopping on a bus, this is my morning routine. I have a love-hate relationship with it. Getting dressed up and doing makeup is something I absolutely love and have even considered making a career out of; waking up early though is something I hate, though it’s basically obligatory that I do so. I love to do makeup and I love how much more confident I feel when I have made myself up, but I hate that my self esteem has become dependent on how well I’ve blended and how even my wings are. Everytime I put on makeup, I put a second face on. I’m prepared for the day, but am I hiding too? Why am I smaller without my mask on? Why did classmates start treating me better when I finally bought a tube of mascara and bottle of foundation? Why is this the way girls are made to feel. Why are girls who wear a lot of makeup and girls who wear minimal makeup pitted against each other? Why has our society fostered such an intense need to compare everyone and everything? Where’s the line that divides makeup as something fun and makeup as something stressful?